As a mother of young children Chittaprabha, from the Western Buddhist Order, was a committed meditator, rising early in the morning and, when her children were older, attending weekend or week-long retreats. She insists that she was able to be a far better mother by taking this time.
Meditation is a way not only to attend to my own needs but to develop an awareness of others so that I can participate in all that I do in a more positive and creative way. Becoming more aware of the broader meaning of my life and of my true nature leads to a deeper sense of joy, contentment and equanimity from which everyone around me benefits.
The aim is to take the awareness that we develop through meditation and allow it to permeate our whole life. As a mother such awareness helped me to see how I interacted with my children and the effects of my actions. So instead of repeating mistakes in an old habitual manner I could use awareness to bring about positive change and let go of a fixed and unchanging way of parenting.
Being a parent can be a very important and enriching aspect of our lives, but our lives go beyond this. If I devoted all my attention to my children’s desires, I would only be focussed on my immediate world and I’d be giving up the opportunity to become a true individual. When I embraced the wider perspective available through meditation I became more creative, free and responsive to the whole of life around me and less grasping and attached to my children and the things that brought me pleasure.
The pleasure of loving and interacting spontaneously with children lessened if I tried to hold on too tightly. So I’ve always tried to seek a range of wholesome sourses of pleasure, at the same time avoiding any grasping attachment to those pleasures.
Her two daughters, Michelle and Cara, laugh as they remember telling their mother at times throughout their childhood, ‘Mum, I think it’s time for you to go on another retreat.’ Amusingly, many Buddhist parents report that it’s often their children who remind them to take some time to meditate.
Chittaprabha also makes the point that to raise responsible, considerate children we need to teach them awareness and respect for the needs of others, including those of their parents. Although this is trickier when our children are young and egocentric, eventually they need to understand our need for some space to ourselves.
Chittaprabha also makes the point that to raise responsible, considerate children we need to teach them awareness and respect for the needs of others, including those of their parents. Although this is trickier when our children are young and egocentric, eventually they need to understand our need for some space to ourselves.
Chittaprabha urges all mothers to find some time every day, even if it’s one minute, to reflect on something higher than themselves and their immediate lives:
We make some time in each day where we can aspire to be our greatest selves. It might be a time to read and reflect on a short verse. We might light some candles or incense to offer to the Buddha. Or we meditate. And if we are not making this time we could ask ourselves what will inspire us to do so? For some it might be nature. Or it could be reading? Talking to our spiritual friends? Involvement in a spiritual community?
It’s worth remembering that in developing mindfulness, we might gain more time in our day. As we’ve discussed, with a more focussed and clear mind we use our time more effectively, and find more energy. Many meditators claim they can survive on less sleep, the deep levels of concentration they attain in meditation providing a higher quality of rest. (excerpt from Buddhism for Mother)
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retreat: khóa ẩn tu.
positive: tích cực.
equanimity: bình thản.
contentment: vừa lòng.
permeate: thấm nhuần.
interacted: đối xử với nhau.
perspective: cách nhìn, viễn cảnh.
attached: chấp thủ (thuật ngữ)
trickier: rắc rối hơn, khó khăn hơn.
egocentric: vị kỷ.
verse: khổ thơ.
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